A Family of Four

Before Zuzu, I didn’t understand the way parents love their children, though I probably thought I did. I knew I’d love Zuzu, but my excitement for her arrival didn’t always outweigh my dread of sleepless nights and poopy diapers. Then I had her, and her baby smell and her soft skin and her smallness and her dependence on me made my heart swell until it burst, and torrents of mommy love gushed from a reservoir I didn’t know existed. Mommy love is joyous and awe-filled and unconditional and fun …
    So when I was pregnant with Bear I was more excited than when I was pregnant with Zuzu. The mommy love was already flowing before I met him.
    But Bear brought his own surprises. What I hadn’t expected was the sense of completeness he brings to our family. I didn’t know how much I would love saying “the kids.” I didn’t know how much I would love being a family of four.
    I love being a family of four. I’m looking forward to Zuzu and Bear being playmates, sharing memories and inside jokes, teasing and heckling and comforting and learning from each other. That’s why the words “sister” and “brother” are special—cuz they’re always full of stories. Before Bear was born, sister wasn’t part of who Zuzu was. And it’s more than that: it’s big sister. And because of Zuzu, Bear isn’t just baby—he’s baby brother. I love the family dynamic we have now.
    This time, I knew about the euphoria of holding my newborn baby in the hospital. I knew how satisfying it would be when he latched to nurse. How much I’d adore his little sucking noises, and the smell of his head (oh the smell of his head!). I knew the inordinate pride I’d feel about everything, his cheeks, his chubby thighs, his neck strength, his powers of observation.
    I just didn’t know how he’d round us out and fill a void I hadn’t been aware of. We aren’t sure if we’ll have more kids or not, but now that we have Bear, we feel whole. Mom, dad, big sister, little brother. The Helquist family.