Goodbye traditions

7/31/15

Zuzu: 3.70 yrs old
Bear: 1.59 yrs old

Zuzu takes goodbyes very seriously. She has traditions: hugs are crucial, and often more than one hug is required; and she wants to watch the person leave. She wants to see them climb into the car, see them drive away. If her traditions get skipped, it's difficult for Zuzu to move on. Recently I dropped the kids off for an hour at a learning center. When I picked them up, the teacher told me she noticed Zuzu right after I left, sitting quietly at a table trying to hold back tears. When she asked her what was wrong, Zuzu tearfully told the teacher that she hadn't given me a hug. The teacher didn't say much else about it, but I suspect there was a bit of a meltdown. Another time, we were with friends at a playground, and our friends had to leave, so I said goodbye while Zuzu and Bear kept playing. When Zuzu found out our friends were gone, she wailed to the heavens and ran toward the parking lot hoping to catch them, to say goodbye and give them hugs. But they were long gone. She wept loudly on the way home.
     I want to tell Zuzu reassuring things when this happens, like "our friends know you love them," and "we'll see them again soon." But it doesn't help. Zuzu isn't worried that our friends don't know she loves them without a hug. I think she just feels incomplete. I think it's like the feeling I get when I see open parenthesis and the writer forgets the close parenthesis. It's upsetting, and being reassured that the writer did, in fact, complete his or her parenthetical thought despite the lack of close parenthesis wouldn't really placate me. The only thing that would work is either drawing the missing parenthesis with a pen or deciding to just stop thinking about it because it isn't worth going crazy over.
     When Zuzu misses part of her goodbye routine, the best thing I can do is draw the close parenthesis with a pen--that is, deliver her goodbye messages via a phone call or text or something, and that brings her peace.