Romping Safe Zone

Zuzu: 3.52 yrs old
Bear: 1.41 yrs old

Bear loves physical play, chasing and being chased, romping. But I discovered early on that my part in all the hoo-ha was to be his Safe Zone. He prefers for me to be present but stationary, with my lap easily accessible, for him to climb into to escape pursuers, and then immediately to climb out of to continue the game. If I move, or join in as a participant, he becomes Unhappy.

Today Zuzu was chasing him around the dining room table and both of them were having fun, when her eye caught her sticker book on the table, and she climbed into a chair to work on it. Bear, oblivious, continued charging around the dining room, thundering on his short legs and cackling like the maniac he is. Zuzu didn't want to disappoint him, I suppose, so she said, "Mommy, can you please chase Bear." So I did. For a second he was delighted, and sped away from me with renewed speed. And then he stopped with a stressed-out look on his face, and came towards me saying "Mama! Mama!" plaintively. I sat and let him climb into my lap. Then he got up and charged away, so I chased him. Again he cackled and ran, and again he stopped and came to me calling "Mama! Mama!" with the same stressed-out look. Again I hugged him. We did it over and over, with me constantly switching between the roles of pursuer and comforter. I thought it was hilarious.

Friends and garage sale

Zuzu: 3.53 yrs old
Bear: 1.42 yrs old

My friend's quick and beautiful and loving smile, her generous laugh--her every look and word and posture seem designed to say "I love you. I think you're great. I'm happy to be with you." No wonder I ADORE having this girl around, right? Her baby's beautiful eyes. Beautiful, deep eyes. She is gorgeous. And cozy in one's arms. The husband, who is also my friend, is kind, and logical. In everything he does. Always, both. Kind and logical. They stayed the weekend. We sat around and talked and talked, and laughed and enjoyed each other, and ate the amazing food Hubs cooked.

Garage sale Saturday morning. It was our first. It was cloudy and chilly. We wore sweatshirts and shivered. It was very exciting every time someone bought something. I tried to hide my relief at seeing our stuff get loaded into other people's cars. And they paid US! I still feel elated about it. I made Zuzu drag Bear around in a wagon with a cardboard sign that read "Kid brother for sale." I thought it was adorable. At one point Zuzu sat in the seller's chair and wanted us to pretend to buy things. My friend was the only one who played along ... I caught bits and pieces ... they were discussing the sale of cats and dogs ... I believe the dog was two dollars and the cat was green. Zuzu was in her whale pajamas and looked beautiful. She greeted customers cheerfully and tried to make friends with any kids who came along. Bear kept climbing into the wagon (at the risk of being sold) and getting stuck there and crying, not being able to climb out again. He also kept charging around to the backyard where I couldn't keep an eye on him, and getting very mad at me when I carried him back. My friend's baby was dressed warm except she had no socks ... and her feet were too little for Bear's socks, though we ought to have tried. She did not complain, but they finally brought her inside. Hubs stuck it out in the seller's chair until noon or so, long after I'd come inside to put Bear down for a nap and cook bacon since we were all starving.

One of Bear's newest words is "baby." Whenever he heard my friend's baby cry, he'd sort of shout "baby! baby! baby!" Bear does that, when people aren't in the room and he thinks they should be.

Chocolate and Light Bulbs

Zuzu: 3.50 yrs old
Bear: 1.39 yrs old

There are days when I find it so easy to do laundry. Lots of laundry! And I think, I'm never going to get behind on laundry again! I'll do one or two loads every day, forever! I have days like that ... maybe three of them per year. Today was not one.

I ate a lot of chocolate today. It was one of those days where I kept thinking about chocolate. 

At the grocery store tonight with the kids, I was delighted to find that they had the light bulbs we needed. I put four packages of various bulbs in my cart. Zuzu wanted to put the light bulbs in HER cart. She was pushing one of those cute little kid carts. I said sure, and picked them up again--"but," I said, "you must be so careful with them--don't throw them into your cart, just set them down gently." I knew this wouldn't be a problem for her. I held them out. And then the next little series of events all happened in a moment: Bear, who was sitting in the front of my cart, twisted around to reach behind him where the light bulbs were in my hand, snatched a package, and immediately threw it onto the floor. One of the bulbs completely shattered inside the package. I put a hand on my forehead and said out loud, "I can't believe that just happened." Zuzu threw her head back and cried out, "Ohhhhhhh! I should have catched them!" I hastened to tell her it wasn't her fault, it was my fault. So then she said brightly, "Oh, I forgive you Mommy!" I thanked her, and hugged her, and heard her say softly that when we got home, she would find some of her dolls to give me to make me happy.

Butts and Goodnight Kisses

Zuzu: 3.50 yrs old
Bear: 1.39 yrs old

This morning, Zuzu came in whining because her little baby doll didn't have any toes. This baby doll does actually have toes, but her head was turned all the way around to face the back, so the toes were pointing the opposite way and this distressed Zuzu. I took off the doll's dress to show her. "See? There's her butt," I said, and turned the head around to face front. Zuzu chortled. For the next minute she ran around crying "butt!" over and over again and laughing.

I was putting Bear to bed, and Zuzu gave him a goodnight kiss as usual. We looked around for Daddy and realized he was downstairs. I decided to put Bear to bed without a kiss from Daddy. I didn't realize as I did so that Zuzu was going downstairs to fetch him. They came up just as I was coming out of Bear's room. When Zuzu saw me without Bear, she burst into tears. Actual tears! Because Daddy hadn't kissed Bear! I scooped her up and told her she was wonderful, and Daddy promptly went into Bear's room and kissed him. This made Zuzu feel better, but confused Bear, who had a hard time going to sleep afterward.

After the goodnight kiss from Daddy, Bear had several bouts of crying. Mostly he'd get quiet on his own and then start up again a few minutes later. But at one point his cries took on the sound of ultimate suffering such as Westley experienced in the Pit of Despair. Great throaty screams. Loud and full of the tragedy of loss. And then, a series of sweet little "uh-oh!"s. I knew without a doubt what had happened: his Nuk was on the floor. I walked in; he was standing up in the crib. I knew he'd be right above where he'd dropped it, as close as possible to it, marking the spot for me; I reached down and found it immediately without a light. He sucked on it hungrily when it was back in his mouth, and when I lay him down he was sleepy and content. We haven't heard a peep from him since.

If you need me, come get me

Zuzu has always been an excellent sleeper. A phenomenal sleeper. As good a sleeper as a child could be. When we replaced the side of her crib with a guard rail so she could get out of bed herself, she still didn't get out of bed until she'd slept eleven hours.

Then one morning she got up, and I was still in bed. So she came into our bedroom. And found out that Bear was in bed with us. Because he'd woken up too early and I brought him into bed for more sleep and snuggles.

So now in the middle of the night she comes into our room and asks to get into bed with us. She also comes in to ask me to fix her blankets. She also gets up before falling asleep just because she wanted to say goodnight again. She has discovered that she can get up, in other words.

Tonight when I was tucking her in, I told her to stay in bed. I stroked her hair and said, "If you need me, I'm happy to help you, but stay in bed if you can." She looked at me seriously and said if she needed me she would come get me. I nodded at her lovingly, because she's such a good child that I was afraid if I gave her strict bed rules she'd refuse to get up even when she really did need us. I put my face close to her sweet, beautiful, pink face. And then she reached up her hand and began to stroke my hair. "If you need me," she told me in a dear little tender voice, "you can get out of bed, and come to my room, and tell me that you need me." I was enraptured. "That's good to know," I said. She continued, still stroking my hair: "If Daddy's in your way [in bed], you can come tell me, and I will say, 'Daddy, could you please scooch over, you're in Mommy's way.' And he will say yes." Then she repeated another couple times that if I needed her I was to come get her. She was most sincere and most kind. My heart was so full of love for that little three-year-old girl as I left her room.

Daddy and I chuckled at the idea of taking her up on the offer.

Bear at 16 months

Bear is a toddler now, but oh ... I can still call him a baby a little longer. He's still so fat, so soft, so blond, so happy--except when he's terribly upset. He alternates between happy and distraught often and abruptly. He's so cute. I threaten to eat him all the time. Once I told him I was going to sneak into his room during the night to gobble him up. What a creepy thing to say.

He loves opening and closing doors, going in and out, putting things into other things, and climbing. He still LOVES roughhousing. He still wants everything. He is shocked and heartbroken when things are taken away from him. He still--still--puts everything into his mouth. He has eaten dirt so many times.

He gives lots of hugs and high-fives, blows kisses and laughs heartily at the slightest encouragement. He loves chasing Zuzu around the dining room table. He hates it when she squeezes him, puts blankets over his head, or tries to drag him around. He will not hold hands with anybody.

He understands lots of phrases. "Let's go outside," "Time to eat," etc. He's at a fun stage of language development where he's saying new words often. Some of his words are crystal clear, like "daddy," and others are not--Zuzu's name, for instance, he exclaims very excitedly when she walks into a room, but he pronounces it without the consonants.

Spring in Wisconsin

Cloudy, breezy days that you don't know whether to call warm or cool, lilacs in full bloom, everything green

Muggy sunshine, curls around my daughter's face, sweating, pulling weeds, turning up worms, the soft ground giving under my feet and hands, the smell of cut grass, the smell of which of these bushes or trees with branches still dark from the rain?, the smell of dirt, the smell of pine, the smell of lilacs, gnats flying at my eyes

A hillside of light, shy green new leaves all mixed with dark blotches of evergreens

Sunlight shining through leaves. Green is everywhere, God saying, here I AM!

Sky blue like Poseidon's eyes, blue like you haven't seen since last summer, dazzlingly white clouds so big they make you realize how big the sky is that it can hold them all!

Sunshine--sudden clouds, sudden cold, dark, wind, thunder, rain--sunshine

Tree roots breaking the sidewalks, lines of anthills in the cracks, puddles from sprinklers

It's all summer one day, heat and blisters and tan lines and bugs and extra baths, and winter again the next day, sweatshirts and socks and apple pancakes.

I love Wisconsin.